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Post by Jimmy Carr on Nov 16, 2009 12:23:43 GMT
One afternoon, a wealthy lawyer was riding in the back of his limousine when he saw two men eating grass by the roadside. He ordered his driver to stop and he got out to investigate.
"Why are you eating grass?" he asked one man.
"We don't have any money for food." the poor man replied.
"Oh, come along with me then."
"But sir, I have a wife with two children!"
"Bring them along! And you, come with us too!", he said to the other man.
"But sir, I have a wife with six children!" the second man answered.
"Bring them as well!"
They all climbed into the car, which was no easy task, even for a car as large as the limo. Once underway, one of the poor fellow says, "Sir, you are too kind. Thank you for taking all of us with you."
The lawyer replied, "No problem, the grass at my home is about two feet tall."
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Post by Frank Carson on Nov 18, 2009 16:52:50 GMT
Q. What's Brown and Runny? A. Usain Bolt Ha Ha, It's the way I tell 'em
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Post by Jimmy Carr on Jan 15, 2010 12:30:32 GMT
The Vanilla pudding Robbery This is just too funny not to share. Excerpted from an article which appeared in The Dublin Times about a bank robbery on March 2.
Once inside the bank shortly after midnight , their efforts at disabling the security system got underway immediately. The robbers, who expected to find one or two large safes filled with cash & valuables, were surprised to see hundreds of smaller safes throughout the bank.
The robbers cracked the first safe's combination, and inside they found only a small bowl of vanilla pudding.
As recorded on the bank's audio tape system, one robber said, 'At least we'll have a bit to eat.'
The robbers opened up a second safe, and it also contained nothing but vanilla pudding.. The process continued until all safes were opened.
They did not find one pound sterling, a diamond, or an ounce of gold. Instead, all the safes contained covered little bowls of pudding.
Disappointed, the robbers made a quiet exit, each leaving with nothing more than a queasy, uncomfortably full stomach. The newspaper headline read:
'IRELAND'S LARGEST SPERM BANK ROBBED EARLY THIS MORNING'....
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Post by Frankie Boyle on Feb 10, 2010 12:00:55 GMT
Glaswegian goes into the Doctors and says, Doctor my armpits smell of coconut,
Doctor replies, "it's boun-tae" ;D
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Post by ConnellD on Dec 21, 2011 13:11:11 GMT
An ancient Thread but I just thought I'd put a Xmas Cracker Joke on here:-
Q - What is Round and Dangerous?
A - A vicious circle
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